Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
