at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
