fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
