Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
