Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
