I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
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