So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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