you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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