I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
being pregnant is like rehab
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
