ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
