i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
