i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
