i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
