Please, let me fuck your mom
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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