I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
