But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
