If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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