Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
