All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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