I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
