First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
