Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
