Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i love accidental penises.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
