you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
