Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
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