don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
