i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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