Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
