Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
