I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Banned from zoo.
Again?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Randomize
