I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
