dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
