i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
