1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
