what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
