when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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