Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
