Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
