you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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