i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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