You were right. It hurts to walk today.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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