I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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