Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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