you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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