I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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