just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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