I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Randomize
