i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
