Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
