You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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