i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
