there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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