Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
